Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night was maintenance night at our house....just like every Sunday. We went to "our spot"...we had our "talk"..and I got my spanking. I haven't had one in almost 2 weeks...I've been really good and last week K said he just didn't feel like he wanted to give me one b/c we had had such a good week and he just wanted to hold me and love me.
At the time, I was doing cart-wheels...yay for me!! We still had our talk, etc, just no spanking...which was fine with me b/c I didn't want one.
We really didn't have any issues this week either. It was busy and we had a couple disagreements, but we talked them through and they were resolved pretty quickly.
Yesterday, K and I played in a golf tourney (which we WON btw...). About half way through I said something sassy to him...but totally kidding. He told me I might want to watch it.."cuz you know what tonight is.... and there will NOT be a pass this week" Again, mostly kidding... I think.
Fast forward to our "meeting". He brought up some things he was concerned about. Some of them are things that are beyond my control (see my post about hugging). I keep trying to explain that I can't control what other people do...I can only control my own actions/reactions. I don't know if this was still bugging me, I don't think it was...all I know is that spanking HURT. And it really wasn't that rough...I've had far worse...but instead of reconnecting us and cleaning the slate...all I felt was sad....and defeated.....why is that?
What should I have done? I told K how I was feeling and ofcourse his first reaction was that HE had done something wrong....he wanted to fix it....but I don't know how to fix it, because I don't know where the emotion is coming from. I'm really confused....should we try again? should we take a break? how can I hit the "reset" button? Have any of you had this issue? How did you move past it? Could it just be a hormone thing? (Aunt Flo is visiting)....I'm looking for answers.....where do we go from here? I don't like this feeling ONE BIT......so again, I ask....what the hell is wrong with me?
I posted about feeling this way recently, and i don't know if there was any one thing that eventually made me feel better, but what really helped was the outpouring of support from the blog ladies letting me know that it is indeed normal and does happen from time to time- looking back at the time i posted it- yes i do believe hormones are a possibility. ((hugs)) It does get better!
ReplyDeleteI think that you need to talk to one another before you have the over-the-knee discussion! That way if you honestly THINK that you don't DESERVE the "treatment" that you are about to get, then you shouldn't get it. Spanking is NOT the only way or the BEST way to handle disagreements! No, there is NOTHING wrong with you!!
ReplyDeleteBob.
I think one of the very great things about this lifestyle is how it forces us to degree to look internally at ourselves. We are constantly replaying things in our minds, and often we tend to examine too closely things that didn't exactly go the way we "thought" they should. But sometimes we just need to step back and be a bit more forgiving on ourselves. Mediocre will happen, and its okay because without it we would never grasp "awesome"!
ReplyDeleteHugs....
Everything has it's ups and downs. Don't worry. Keep talking and plan on maintenance as usual next week. I remember one time when I was very emotional, sad and the spanking really went flat. I felt awful and Nick just stopped, confused. I was confused too and like you felt awful.
ReplyDeleteIt could be any of those things you mentioned. I don't think it's time to step back. We all know that TTWD works. That doesn't mean there aren't going to be times when things just don't feel right at the moment. Keep talking, touching and maybe throw in a sexy spanking just for the fun of it. Things will be better soon.
Hugs,
PK
You are definitely Not the only person who has had this issue. I haven't figured it out yet myself, but sometimes these things just don't work like we want them to. A little bit of after the fact musing never hurts but seems to work best when you quit beating yourself up about it.
ReplyDeleteI do know that if I feel like I am being punished for things beyond my control, I resent it a lot and that impacts our interactions in a big way. And sometimes things are just...off. Aunt flo never does me any favors, I gotta say lol.
Hi :) Ive not come across this situation yet, but Im wondering if you are just feeling that the spanking was unfair because of the reason you got it - the "hugging" issue. You feel its out of your control so why should you be punished for other people's actions. If i am right in thinking this, then i think you should talk to hubby - because until he realizes and you can come to a compromise on the hugging issue its just going to keep rearing its head.
ReplyDeleteI love the reconnection feeling, and you will get it back I am sure. Talk to him and let him know how you are feeling - perhaps compromise with another "punishment" if he still feels really strongly about punishing you for the hugging issue. Rather than spanking some corner time or an early bed or something not so harsh....
I dont know what to suggest other than talking to him and telling him how you feel
On the other hand I may be way of the mark here....so sorry if i am.
I dont think taking a break helps, i think talking is the best solution. I hope you feel better soon good luck
lots of love and cyber hugs xxx
There is nothing wrong with you! Seriously! Our maintenance spankings are all over the place. Some weeks it works well and sometimes it's flat and just leaves me frustrated and upset, which only leads me to believe that they should be done away with. Others have told me that it just takes time and lots of communication to figure out what works and what doesn't. I'd say talk it through and figure out together what you can and then just try again next time. Don't overthink it too much. I do think the pain tolerance does change depending on the time of the month and our emotional state.
ReplyDeleteK Sweetie, I have indeed experienced this.
ReplyDelete1) I usually feel spanking hurt way more just before I get my period. That is when I have heightened sensitivity. You might e a bit different, but I know hormones definitely do factor in.
2) Those who advised backing off spanking or Dd don't actually practice Dd themselves...so, I'd be careful about taking that recommendation. You and I both understand that maintenance spankings are not "for nothing" but for connection and reassurance and to reaffirm your roles.
Personally, I can share that sometimes I need a redo, when the spanking did not help me to release some deeper 'stuck' feelings, or when we have been and remain off between us. It does not sound like that was the case for you. Sometimes I need to chalk it up to being a "dud spanking" and we just move on from there. There's nothing we do in our lives that isn't sub par occasionally for a myriad of reasons...mood, rhythm, hormones, the stars don't align. Nothing is going to perfect always. Unless there is some niggling gut feeling that something is wrong, I'd forget it. It's happened to every one of us, not often, but now and again. Sara
Not every spanking is going to make you feel better, or more connected. It's okay..it's normal to have something be just "off". When we don't connect after, when I refuse his comfort or something, there is generally a repeat later. My attitude keeps going downhill. Usually, with the time that has passed my head is in a different place, and everything goes a lot more normally.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with Sara and Stormy. I don't think it's ever a good idea to take a break from TTWD without it being due to something really big... not just from a hiccup, from an unexpected moment. Breaks lead to roles getting confusing, it's hard to really let go when you know all you have to do is say... well, we are on a break now.... it's just better to press on and work it through, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI am way more sensitive emotionally and physically when it's close to that time of the month (like Sara said).
With the hugging thing have you asked him how to handle it? (Maybe you have, I don't know the whole story on that) When The Man has told me to do x, and I find it really hard to do, due to some outside source, I ask Him. I just say, Okay I totally get you expect x, but when y happens, I don't know how to handle it. I need some help figuring this out.
I'd say if Aunt flo is visiting....most likely her fault! This has happened to me a lot and when I keep pushing him off or try to take a break...it just makes it worse.
ReplyDeleteFirst Mate,
ReplyDeleteIndeed!! I don't know what I'd do without all of you fellow bloggers...the support you give me is immeasurable and thank you seems so inadequate.
Senor,
You are right and we are working on the communication lines. I think there is so much more lurking beneath the surface...and we've just started scratching it...
Histoy,
I hear what you're saying, and ofcourse, you are right. I'm just not very patient and mediocre is not one of my favorite places to be..I want awesome ALL the time...pathetic, huh?
PK,
Thanks for the advice..we are marching on...slowly
Lil,
I'm going to come up with a cure for Aunt Flo and become a millionaire..just from the men in our lives if no one else ;)
Kiwi,
I don't think taking a break is the answer either. We are doing a lot of talking,so hopefully we can find a happy "compromise".
Susie,
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone...I love the support...we'll keep trying.
Sara,
You're right...maybe I'm just over thinking the whole thing....we'll keep practicing....and practicing...and practicing.....;)
Stormy,
I hate the "unconnect" spanking...it's so frustrating!!
Candy,
We've tried a couple compromises...but so far, still turning out to be a problem...I honestly think this is something he may just have to "suck it up and deal" with...we'll see
Ashley,
I wish Aunt Flo would find somewhere to visit...she really leaves a trail of destruction in her path....no break for us either