Second Time Submission

One couple's journey to happiness from Top to Bottom

Monday, July 18, 2011

Spanking Gone Wrong

A little while back, Sara (findingsara.wordpress.com) wrote an entry about when a spanking leaves you angry.  I had one of those moments last night.  I feel better today, but I still feel somewhat short-changed.

K and I have been so busy with traveling, moving, I was sick, kids were home, etc., that's it's been almost 2 weeks since I've had a spanking.  Sunday night is always maintenance night at our house and I was looking forward to our "meeting" and the after activities.  Looking back, it seems like the universe was conspiring against us.  K has an office attached to our new house (the spankatorium).  We were all set for our meeting...I was freshly showered, ready/willing/and able, and we were starting our "discussion"....when a bat decided to fly into the window...it scared the living daylights out of both of us!  K sent me upstairs to "wait" for him, but I discovered that one of the windows did not have a blind and anyone outside could see in and observe our activities....so.....back to the main house we came.  (A real mood killer).

Take two....let's try again in our bedroom.  Our conversation started off well enough.  We talked about some issues we had experienced during the two week hiatus from spanking, what we each had observed in ourself and each other, what needed to change, what went wrong, what went right, etc.  Then our conversation turned to my upcoming vacation with the kids in Minnesota (he's got to go back to New Orleans).  I have been there with the kids before and there were a couple points that I wanted to clear up before I went.  Things that I know might be a "hot button issues" with us.  Instead of working for a solution we could both live with, I felt K was going out of his way to be antagonistic.  IMO, he kept throwing up road blocks to the discussion by bringing up others issues that really didn't have anything to do with what we were talking about.  All I wanted was for him to make a decision on how he wanted us to handle things.  I wasn't arguing with his decision...I just wanted him to make it.  But instead, he kept going round and round in circles.   So, what did I do?....got frustrated, raised my voice, began to cop an attitude.

He abruptly ended the discussion and started the maintenance spanking.  All through it, he kept saying how he was the HOH (I know that), how the final decision was his (I know that too!  Just make the damn thing already), how I had been disrespectful by raising my voice (I agree...but I was very frustrated), and how I was just trying to argue with him (THAT I would NOT agree with...in fact, I continued to defend my actions even as the hairbrush continued to fall). Usually, I will agree with what he is saying and reinforcing.  But I would not cop to be the cause of this problem!   Finally, he quit...I was in tears...not so much from the spanking, but from the fact that K has always said that maintenance is a time for us to speak freely and work out issues we might be having or forsee having.  I was so hurt and frustrated that he had broken our agreement.

To my credit, I didn't withdraw...I didn't sulk....I didn't turn a cold shoulder.  I repeated how I felt...and I told him how I felt he had not held up his end of our agreement.  I reminded him why we had our discussions to begin with and how I felt he had let me down by not listening to me and working with me to find a solution. 

I know he heard me.  I know he felt bad.  We talked this morning, and I'm pretty sure he understands what I'm trying to say.  Ofcourse, I forgive him...but yet, I feel so cheated.  I was so looking forward to last night and all it entailed......and it fell REALLY short of those expectations.  I'm thinking I should ask for a re-do for tonight.  I'm hoping my words and feelings got through to him.....I trust him to lead me but I know occasionally he will stumble.  I want to shrug it off and chalk it up to stress/bad karma/sun spots/the universe/lack of sleep/new environment/hormones or whatever.

I want to let it go and start over.  I want to be an understanding and supportive partner...I don't want to hold a grudge.....but darn it, I want my spanking back!!  I'll keep you posted about Take 3....

9 comments:

  1. "To my credit, I didn't withdraw...I didn't sulk....I didn't turn a cold shoulder." I think that this is the most important thing in your whole post. You did good!! He understands more now and this will work out fine. Everyone should learn this lesson, including me.

    Hugs,
    PK

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  2. Oh I DO so understand. My husband hates this term...but this falls in my category of "dud spankings"! And let's face it...they are not perfect (dammit) and they will mess up, get it wrong, be tired, stressed, have male PMS...something, and we get spanked. The good news was it was not the end of the story for you. You did talk, express yourself before, during and after...and he was finally able to hear you. Maybe you should ask for a "make-up and reconnect spanking"...before you both go your separate ways?

    I promise that you go through enough spankings you will experience just about every kind and everything under the sun! Sara

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  3. definitely get a re do!!!! I've had the same type of experience and it is super frustrating...keeping my fingers crossed for you!

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  4. I think it's great that you were able to keep perspective of it all. Just sounds like the wires caught a bit crossed this time, but I'm sure you'll get what you're after sooner rather than later!

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  5. Dud..ha ha. Good luck whatever happens..

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  6. i am soo glad you posted about this1 My Sunday night maintenance went all wrong too, and i ended up in tons of trouble. ;(

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  7. PK,
    Thanks for the thoughts! We're working on it one day at a time.

    Sara,
    Love the term "dud" spanking and it was definitely a big, dull DUD!! Working on getting the "make-up" portion. Why can't he just be perfect all the time...like me? ;)

    Ashley,
    Frustrating is a great word for it!

    Baby Girl,
    They were crossed, knotted,twisted and tied!! We are working on getting them straightened out. Thanks for the good thoughts.

    Stormy,
    Cute term, right?

    HFM,
    I'm sorry you had a rough night too...I swear, it must be something in the air! Or aliens!!! You hang in there too...

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  8. Aww, I'm sorry that happened! But I'm so proud of your response! PK is right, everyone should learn from you, including me, on how to respond when your HOH messes up. I hope you get your re-do soon! Hugs!

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  9. Spanking time isn't always a good time to deal with complex or multiple issues. It can be very difficult to "think through" an issue when there's a spanking going on, maintenance or otherwise.

    One thing you might consider is to separately write out your concerns. You can either show them to him or just use them as a guide so that you can manage your part of the discussion. Talking isn't always the ideal channel for communication. (Otherwise we wouldn't have blogs.)

    But one thing that sicks out is where you say, "he kept throwing up road blocks to the discussion by bringing up others issues that really didn't have anything to do with what we were talking about". As an "independent observer" I have to question who gets to bring issue to the table. Do you have a right to bring up issues but he doesn't?

    I know that logically you want to go problem->solution, but sometimes it doesn't work that way in the other person's mind.

    I hope your next encounter has a lot more pizzazz and a lot less dud.

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