It's Just So Hard....

Sometimes it's just so hard. 

Life

Love

Relationships

Family Dynamics

Dd

I once heard that anything worth having doesn't come easily.  I guess I believe that...but I know I'm ready for some smooth sailing for a while.

I'm feeling very out of sorts.  There are lots of reasons for this....

1.  K and I just moved into our first house together.  We have combined two households into one and it's been ALOT of work.  Unfortunately, we only spent 4 nights there and then had to leave for separate destinations.

2.  K has been traveling almost non-stop except for the week we moved.  I've been trying to go with him, but living out of a hotel and having him gone for 12 hours a day gets old REAL fast.

3.  K is under a tremendous amount of stress financially right at this particular time and it's very nerve wracking for both of us.

4.  Our maintenance schedule is all off...and the couple sessions we did have were highly unsatisfying.

5.  I am trying to spend some quality time with my kids in Minnesota, while K is working in New Orleans...AGAIN!!

We have had a rough couple of days since I've been gone.  We are both missing each other so badly that we are short and snippy whenever we talk on the phone.  I hate when we do that.  It's like we're both miserable, so we take it out on each other.  I know I don't mean to....and I hope he doesn't either...but it just happens.  Everything I say, or everything he says is taken wrong.  We don't give each other the benefit of the doubt....we jump on every little remark or comment.  Our Dd relationship is totally out of kilter, but we can't right the ship because we are so far away from each other.

I wish this is something Dd could fix.  K tries to use it....but it just doesn't seem appropriate or adequate over the telephone or squeezed into the 10-15 minutes of free time we have. I want things back to normal.  I want our normal routine.  I want him to lead...I want to follow.  I want it all back the way it used to be.  I can't get a reconnection spanking when we are 1400 miles apart and I feel myself drifting and falling. 

We will both be home in 3 days.  I'm ready for the next chapter in our relationship.  I need him...I need Dd...I need us.  I want my stability back...I want our rules....and maintenance....and consequences.  I want the closeness that comes from TTWD.  I know this post is rambling...but that's how I feel.....rambling and roaming.

Summer is fun....vacations are great.....traveling is exciting....but in my opinion.....there's no place like home.  And my home is with my HOH......I'm ready.