Second Time Submission

One couple's journey to happiness from Top to Bottom

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Time Has Come

The blush is off the rose.....and been placed elsewhere.....

I'm feeling much better, K is feeling much better....and the re-organization, re-establishment, re-connection has begun.

I have been slipping for a while now.  I'm not sure how it happens.  It's kind of like a stone rolling down the hill.....first it's very, very slow....but as it gains momentum (and with nothing to stop it), it begins to careen down the hillside.  Eventually it will crash to a halt (when it hits that brick wall), but it's a heck of a ride til then.

My attitude and submission are on that rocky slope.  It started out with just small eye roll....a slight mutter under my breath....just the slightest hesitancy when asked to do something (or stop doing something).   As time went on, I got a bit exaggerated sigh, my muttering got louder, a pout here, a stomp where I find myself today....a blatant No when asked to comply with a request, stalling, arguing (I like to call it reasoning...K doesn't), and even some retaliation (a playful pinch or slap).

Like I said, I have been really sick...and K will not punish when I'm not myself.  I know I'm better because the total orneryness (is that a word?) is back with a vengeance.  I like to pretend that I'm "just playing" or "just teasing", but we both know that's not the case.  I'm testing...and pushing....and poking the big, bad bear.

Maybe it's because it's been so long since I've really had a good, long dose over his knee.  Maybe it's because I know I want him to step in and enforce the limits.  Maybe I just want to see if he can still fill the role I need from him.

We need to get back on track.  We've talked about it...he knows....I know he knows....and he's assured me that as soon as our company leaves, we're going to have a long discussion about how to get back to where we were.  And for a while, there is going to be zero tolerance on his part.  

That makes me glad....and anxious....and reassured. 

I don't care what anyone else thinks about the way we choose our lifestyle.  I've learned enough about myself to know what I need and how I need it.  I might not know why I need it, but I do....and so does he.  It doesn't make me a child, or a makes me a woman who will do whatever necessary to make my relationship the best that it can be.   I'm ready to reconnect, re-establish, and re-educate.

And I know just the man for the job......


  1. I'm really happy for you. I'm glad you're better and I'm glad you may well being needing pillows to sit. I envy where you are and what you are looking forward to/dreading. I think it's wonderful that we know what we want and need and we are at the stage in our lives where we have no need for the approval of others.

    Those of us who agree and understand gather strength in discussing it with one another. For those who don't understand - don't try. Just be happy for us that we have the confidence to go on with what is best for us.

    Let us know how things go when your company gets gone.


  2. I'm glad you're back! We ALL go through ups and downs, and times when we have to pick ourselves up and kinda restart. Both marriage and Dd is like that, I guess.

    I think being "a woman who will do whatever necessary to make my relationship the best that it can be" is something to be proud of, and the fact that you "know what I need and how I need it", will be the glue that holds it all together. Good for you! Sara

  3. It's so nice to recognize your needs,no? I'm glad for you.

  4. welcome back its been a while and ive missed you.
    I love your last paragraph - so perfectly said
    I think we all go through these stages - and i think we all go through the same stages at different times. He sounds like he is not going to let you get away with your un-submissivness and you sound relieved to know he is not going to let you get away with it.
    Good for you for knowing exactly what you want and going for it
    :) its the only way to live. Let us know how you get on :)
    love and hugs kiwi xxxx

  5. Good to hear you will do whatever is necssary to make your relationships the best it can be.