Gotta Make the Doughnuts......

I'm trying to hold on until the weekend.  I don't want to play this game anymore (the moving game).  It's really no fun.  Add to that the fact that K is working 14-16 hours a day so we've had ZERO time together.  This morning he actually woke me up (as he was leaving) by whispering in my ear..."Time to make the doughnuts..."  (Anyone over 40 will get the reference...for you young'uns...never mind :)).

I decided I'm not going to wallow (had my pity party last week) but instead look for the bright spots.  I came to this realization. 

TTWD is working.  Not perfectly, we are human after all...but it is making us stronger and closer.  In the past, if I would have had to deal with all this stress AND  been away from K....I would have become a stark, raving B#TCH!  I would have resented K for the hours he is working.  I would have waged a cold war to punish him for leaving me alone for so long.  I would have made his job ten times harder. 

I don't want to do that anymore.  I know he doesn't want to leave me to go to work.  I know he'd rather stay and snuggle with me.  I know he wants our life to get back to a normal, sane routine.

Through TTWD, I have learned to respect how hard he works.  I've learned that I'm a partner in this relationship....I can choose how things are going to go down.  Is it going to be the hard way or the easy way.  Do I want to watch my tone?  Do I want to think about what I say?  Do I want to THINK rather than just REACT?

In the end, TTWD, to me is all about the choices I make.  To me, the term submissive is sort of a misnomer.  Maybe it should be called decisive....my decisions determine the course of the relationship. I think a good HOH makes you AWARE of the consequences of your choices.  He is consistent and firm...  He ultimately puts the decision on your shoulders.  It's not so much being led as being made accountable.  My decisions affect the path of our relationship. 

My decisions aren't always correct.  Sometimes, they're downright stupid....but I can count on K to be there with the consequences.  I'm constantly telling my preschoolers...."make a good decision".  Now I'm trying to apply that to my life and relationship. 

I find myself more grounded and peaceful.  I'm cherishing the little time we do have together and the short amount of time we have to talk on the phone during the day, rather than making it more miserable.  Before, TTWD, that would not have been the case..at all.

So, if nothing else comes out of this trying separation, I at least have that epiphany.  The weekend is coming...the move will be over....K's deadline will have passed...and he's promised me 3 days together...no work....so I'm holding on to that.  I have wracked up quite a few "good girl" spankings (thank you Rogue!) and I plan on cashing some in....

Until then, if you'll excuse me.....I have to MOVE the doughnuts