I need Johnny Cash.....he knows how to "walk the line"....I, apparently, do not. K and I have been practicing DD for a little over 9 months. We have made huge strides from the beginning to now. Unfortunately, I still struggle with the submissive side when it comes to times that I feel slighted or hurt. We had a fairly traumatic couple of days last week for a variety of reasons. Although the initial spat was caused by something he said, I definitely carried it WAY too far. As a result, I got spanked with his belt and paddle Friday evening and again with the paddle Saturday morning. I accept my part in the disagreement and we talked about and agreed upon some additional ground rules to hopefully avoid the problems in the future. The main thing we agreed upon (me a bit more reluctantly than he) is that he is in control...ALL THE TIME....and what he says goes. For some reason, I have a hard time remembering this occasionally. After Saturday, we seemed to be back on track...closer and happier than ever.
Then came Monday.......
K is one of the most brilliant business men I have ever known. He is smart, savvy, tough, competitive and highly successful.....definitely an alpha male. He's had a few issues at work that have him edgy and stressed. He called me late Monday afternoon saying it had been a tough day, that he was not in a very good mood, and that he missed me. After the weekend we had, I was leery about walking into the "lion's den". The evening started off well...we sat on the porch and talked to unwind. However, as the evening progressed events transpired that deeply hurt my feelings. I tried to explain to him how I felt, but it escalated into me raising my voice....a definite NO NO....and yep, I got spanked again.
Please, some of you with more experience than me, explain how to walk the line between respecting him, respecting myself, and respecting our relationship. I need help!!!
I love Johnny too, but I sure can't help with advice about avoiding spankings. Sigh. I start calmly, then he says something I don't like, and my voice gets animated and I get out of line. I hate that.
ReplyDeleteI'm learning, but it's "hit and miss" ya know?
Stormy,
ReplyDeleteugh....I know, I know. I read your blog yesterday and saw myself written all over it. K and I got into a "knock down, drag out" over a comment he made that we've had issues with before. I went absolutely ballistic....to the point of jumping up after a very hard spanking to "settle me down" and told him in no uncertain terms Blank...you....(I'm sure you can fill it in). I have NEVER been that disrespectful...especially after a spanking, but something went haywire in my brain, and some sort of alien must have taken over. The final shoe hasn't dropped yet...but I'm pretty sure it will tonight.....gulp. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!